As we navigate the complexities of adulthood, forming new friendships often becomes a challenging yet vital aspect of wellbeing. Many of us, particularly those dealing with CPTSD, major depression, and anxiety, find that building a healthy social support network is crucial but often challenging to do. In the hectic and transient environment of a large city like Los Angeles, making meaningful connections can feel especially daunting.

This month, let’s explore why making friends as an adult can be so difficult and the mental and emotional shifts needed to foster and maintain these essential relationships. By understanding the barriers and learning how to overcome them, we can create a holistic support system that enhances our emotional and mental health.

Why It’s Hard to Make Friends as an Adult

Forming new friendships in adulthood is often fraught with obstacles, especially in large, transient cities like Los Angeles. Here are some key reasons why:

1. Transient Population: With people frequently moving for jobs and opportunities, social circles are often unstable, making it difficult to form long-lasting connections.

2. Busy Lifestyles: Demanding work schedules and personal commitments leave little time for socializing and nurturing new relationships.

3. Established Routines: Many adults have settled into their routines and social networks, making it challenging to integrate new friendships.

4. Stigma and Anxiety: Seeking new friendships can be stigmatized, and the fear of rejection or awkwardness can deter people from putting themselves out there.

For those dealing with CPTSD, major depression, and/or anxiety, symptoms can further complicate socialization:

• PTSD: Symptoms such as hypervigilance, emotional numbing, and avoidance behaviors can make it difficult to trust others and feel safe in new social situations.

• Major Depression: Feelings of worthlessness, fatigue, and a lack of interest in activities can hinder motivation to seek out and maintain social connections.

• Anxiety: Social anxiety, excessive worry about being judged, and panic attacks can create overwhelming barriers to forming new friendships.

Understanding these symptoms and how they impact our ability to socialize is crucial for developing strategies to overcome them and build meaningful relationships.

Mindset, Behavioral, and Emotional Flexibility 

To overcome these challenges, it’s really beneficial to adopt a certain mindset, as well as some behavioral and emotional skills. These adjustments can pave the way for satisfying social connections:

1. Adopting a Growth Mindset: View social interactions as opportunities for growth rather than fixed traits. Believe that social skills can be developed over time.

2. Being Proactive and Intentional: Actively seek out social opportunities by joining clubs, attending events, or taking classes.

3. Embracing Vulnerability: Allow yourself to be open and share personal experiences and emotions to foster deeper connections.

4. Consistency and Effort: Regularly check in with friends and make plans to strengthen bonds.

5. Emotional Regulation: Manage anxiety and negative emotions through mindfulness and stress management techniques to make social interactions more manageable.

For those with CPTSD, major depression, and anxiety, these shifts might include specific therapeutic approaches such as cognitive-behavioral techniques, trauma-informed therapies, and mindfulness practices to better manage symptoms and enhance social interactions. Ask your therapist about it!

Non-Interpersonal Aspects of a Healthy Social Support System

Building a robust support system extends beyond direct social interactions. Several non-interpersonal aspects play a crucial role in creating a conducive environment for social well-being:

1. Personal Routines and Habits:

• Consistency and Predictability: Regular routines provide stability and reduce stress, making social interactions easier to manage.

• Self-Care Practices: Engaging in activities like exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy nutrition improves overall well-being and social interactions.

2. Environmental Management:

• Organized Living Space: A clean and organized environment reduces stress and creates a welcoming space for social activities.

• Personal Space: Having a personal sanctuary to recharge helps manage social demands effectively.

3. Time Management:

• Balanced Schedule: Effective time management allows for a balanced life, integrating personal, professional, and social activities seamlessly.

• Prioritization: Prioritize activities that align with your values and goals to ensure meaningful social interactions.

4. Physical Health:

• Regular Exercise: Physical activity boosts mood and energy levels, enhancing the quality of social interactions.

• Healthy Diet: Proper nutrition supports physical health and emotional stability, crucial for maintaining relationships.

5. Mental Health Practices:

• Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices enhance self-awareness and emotional regulation, contributing to healthier social interactions.

• Therapy and Counseling: Professional support provides strategies for better managing social relationships and personal challenges.

6. Personal Interests and Hobbies:

• Engagement in Hobbies: Pursuing interests and hobbies provides a sense of accomplishment and common ground for social interactions.

• Creative Outlets: Creative activities offer fulfillment and emotional expression, enhancing social well-being.

7. Technology and Digital Tools:

• Digital Organization Tools: Apps for organizing tasks and managing time free up space for social activities.

• Online Learning and Development: Engaging in online communities provides opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals.

8. Financial Stability:

• Budgeting and Financial Planning: Financial stability reduces stress and provides resources for social engagements without strain.

Building and Sustaining a Support System

A healthy support system is built on diverse relationships offering various forms of support. Here are steps to cultivate and maintain such a system:

1. Diversity: Cultivate a variety of relationships to ensure a broad range of support and perspectives.

2. Engagement: Actively engage with your network through regular communication and shared activities.

3. Balance: Maintain reciprocal relationships by balancing giving and receiving support.

4. Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being and set boundaries to prevent burnout.

Resources to Take Action

To help you take action and start building your social support system, here are some websites where you can find classes, clubs, events, and special interest groups in Los Angeles:

1. Meetup.com: Find local events and groups based on your interests.

2. Eventbrite: Discover various events happening around the city.

3. VolunteerMatch.org: Find volunteer opportunities in your area.

4. ClassPass: Access various fitness classes and wellness activities.

5. Nextdoor: Connect with people in your neighborhood and discover local events.

6. Facebook Events and Groups: Join groups related to your interests and stay updated on upcoming events.

7. Skillshare: Explore a wide range of online classes with local meetups and projects.

8. Groupon: Find deals on local classes and activities.

9. Toastmasters International: Improve your public speaking skills and connect with others through local clubs.

For publications that keep you informed about fun events in Los Angeles, consider these:

1. LA Weekly: A popular source for news, culture, music, and event listings across Los Angeles.

2. Time Out Los Angeles: Offers a comprehensive guide to the city’s events, including arts, entertainment, and food festivals.

3. The Los Angeles Times: Provides detailed event listings, articles, and reviews on a variety of activities happening around LA.

Remember, building meaningful connections takes time, venerability intention, and effort; but the rewards of a supportive social network are invaluable for our overall well-being. You deserve to give and receive love and support safely throughout your life.